Chronicles of a SBW Dating Online: 4 Guys You’ll Likely Discover

Guest Blogger, Asa Todd (@sanitythief), has been exploring online dating as a single Black woman in her 30s. This series chronicles her journey, the ups-and-downs and ins-and-outs. Check out Part One.

Ever since Whitney Houston shut down Diane Sawyer with her infamous “Show me the receipts” line, everyone has been asking for them.

So today I’m gonna hand out the receipts on why we ladies sometimes say “Men are trash.” Now is not the time to “Not all men” me or say “You attract what you put out” because the way I’m feeling, your mouth may just attract my fist. But I digress.

Come take a walk with me down “Girrrrlllll!” lane.

“Me? Fail English? That’s unpossible”

First and foremost, I’m not a “grammar Nazi” and I don’t put a ton of stock into small spelling or punctuation errors on dating profiles. Sometimes we get in our feelings and to the bottom of a bottle of White Zinfandel on a lonely night as we create them. Of course what we write isn’t always ready for a peer review and publication. I get it.

HOWEVER!

“Self inployed”. Mind you, he made this spelling error in more than one place. The run on sentences that are looking for punctuation in the daytime with a flashlight. Then. THEN. Having the gall to lie about your age by a 14-year age gap. I say it time and time again: Don’t trust men that refuse to date women their own age or seem as if they turned off spell-check.

“OJ Simpson Ain’t Got Shit On Me”

Okay.

Far be it from me to tell anybody who to date and who to love; I actually don’t have any ill thoughts towards interracial couples. But it’s stupid stuff, like the above profile, that makes me sick.

First, he begins by saying his preference is not an indictment on Black women but he follows up by implying that White women “don’t cause drama”. Something I’ve learned about these types of Black men is that they often say that Black women are more defensive or combative than White women and that White women are more laid back and “submissive.”

What they don’t tell you is that how they interact with Black women and White women is night-and-fucking-day. These men create a self-fulfilling prophecy by arguing, antagonizing, gaslighting, and belittling the Black women they “give a chance.” And when you justifiably read their ass the riot act, it becomes “See?! This is why I can’t be with a Black woman. I was just trying to be nice to you.” Meanwhile, if they have a conversation with Becky, they’re getting to know one another, finding out likes and dislikes, and you know, actually conversing. These men start out on a negative note in order to justify their preference for White women.

I’m not falling for the con anymore.

“I Go From Zero-to-Creep Real Quick”

On this particular day, I was low on sleep and high on curiosity. I wanted to see where this little conversation would take me. I usually make it a point to not trust men that wear colorful, reflective sunglasses when not skiing or snowboarding because they are always on douche bag/ dude bro levels of Von Dutch trucker hats. My stereotype still has not failed me, as seen above.

“Musty Palette Twitter Makes It To POF”

Trolling Black women is the favorite pastime of the Ankh- Right and White Supremacists. They are really just two separate chapters of the “He Man Woman Haters Club”.

I can’t really give too much commentary on this interaction, because I didn’t respond. However, since I shared this with some groups I’m in I have a PSA to make: Stop telling Black women to “Stop feeding the trolls”. Is my mere existence now “feeding the trolls?” Some of y’all got the “Can’t help it”s when it comes to victim-blaming.

For all the instances of seeing “bitch, hoe, nigger” in my inbox for simply looking for a partner, I am somehow to blame for being called these names by assholes I’ve never met or interacted with.

Shut the fuck up.

(…stay tuned for Part 3)

Asa Todd is a blogger from New Jersey. She blogs about make-up, mental health, and dating/relationships. Follow her on Twitter @sanitythief and Instagram @makeupandmania.

If you’d like to be featured as a guest blogger, send your pitches to info@feministajones.com. We are currently welcoming pitches about dating, sex, relationships, kink, and the like.

Feminista Jones Speaks at Explore More Summit 2017

Greetings beloveds!

This year, I am once again participating in the Explore More Summit. This is one of the best collection of sexuality experts around the world. It’s FREE to join and when the summit ends, you can either purchase a conference package or stream chats a la cart for $3!!

Be sure to catch me at the summit.

Check out my preview trailer 

Register for FREE today!

Call For Submissions: What Does Being a Woman Mean to You?

For Women’s History Month, I am curating a project that will amplify diverse ideas and experiences about and with womanhood. I am interested in your authentic responses, be they glowingly positive or enduringly painful– be raw, be real, be you.

I am asking one simple question: What Does Being a Woman Mean to You?

You can include your name or remain anonymous. Complete this form and join the project.

Also, if you’re in the Philadelphia, PA or New York City area and are interested in participating in the photo essay portion of this project, please indicate that on this submission form.

Chronicles of a Single Black Woman Dating Online: Part 1

Guest Blogger, Asa Todd (@sanitythief), has been exploring online dating as a single Black woman in her 30s. This series chronicles her journey, the ups-and-downs and ins-and-outs. 

 

 

 

 

 

After working through and healing from a break up of a relationship of over two years, I decided to get back in the dating game. I knew it might be difficult at first, but I’d get the hang of it again. Right? Wrong!

Of all the lessons I’d learned from my last relationship and doing the work to get over it, I knew settling wasn’t an option. I learned where I could make compromises and where I could not. I also know red flags when I see them.

Dating sites like Plenty of Fish and Match.com are flooded with red flags. Let’s journey down a list of just a few shall we:

  • “Age 34, but I look like my AARP card is well worn”– Let’s dispel the myth that only women lie about their age right here. An S-Curl and Just For Men dye job can only hide but so much, especially if you are partial to wearing linen suits and dress shoes with jeans. Also, when you ask why they lie about their age and they say something along the lines of “I don’t connect or get along with women my age”, sound the alarm. Much older men who specifically target younger women are doing so because they either haven’t reached a level of maturity and success that men their age typically have or they want to take advantage of an imbalanced power dynamic.
    Lusters-S-CURL-Regular-Texturizer-Kit
  • “I’m supposed to describe myself in my profile, but instead let me tell you about all the types of women I hate”– Nothing screams “RUN” like a man who, in his “About Me” section, can only go on a tirade about fake women, gold diggers, hoes, single mothers, not wanting to pay for dates, etc. It’s obvious they have some mommy issues they have yet to work out, but can’t wait to project them onto you.
  • Why in the year 2017 of our Lord and savior Queen Bey are we still trying to catfish people? – I took the initiative to message a fellow who I found attractive and who had written an interesting profile. All was going well until maybe 5 messages in, if that, he says he wants to buy me leopard print panties. So being that this raised a red flag for me, I went to my good friend Google Image Search and found that the pics belonged to an up-and-coming artist. Once I realized I was being duped, I asked him if he knew this artist and poof! The whole message thread was gone.
    img-thing
  • Stop with the blank profiles!– I don’t care how attractive you think you are, if you can’t be bothered to put in even a little effort into describing yourself, then I can’t be bothered to pull teeth to get to know you. Men with blank profiles are the equivalent to eBay ads with no specs, a description written in broken English, and no reviews. In other words, they are a waste of your time.
  • “Hello” *1 minute 30 seconds later* “Oh so you can’t be bothered to speak. Stuck up bitch”– Listen. I don’t spend every waking second on dating app messengers. Most of the time, the people I actually know and like won’t get a timely response to me through regular texts. The entitlement you feel to my time and attention as well as your automatic assumption that you are being ignored is a sure sign you are controlling and unstable.

Online dating really shouldn’t be this hard but…

 

5qIgyr0DAsa Todd is a blogger from New Jersey. She blogs about make-up, mental health, and dating/relationships. Follow her on Twitter @sanitythief and Instagram @makeupandmania.

 

If you’d liked to be featured as a guest blogger, send your pitches to info@feministajones.com. We are currently welcoming pitches about dating, sex, relationships, kink, and the like.

 

Feminista Jones @ Center for American Progress

Hello, hello!

On Dec. 12, 2016, I joined a progressive think tank to have a conversation about how we can support and defend the working class in the Trump era.

It also aired on C-SPAN.

screen-shot-2016-12-19-at-2-27-08-pm

 

 

 

 

 

 

Enjoy!!

 

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