“Push The Button” #PTBBook — How Can I Buy the Book?

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Thank you all SO much for the initial support of my first novel, Push The Button. I have been overwhelmed by the love shown to my “baby”.

I have some updates on ordering for you!

First, you can order your hardcopy:

You can order your hardcopy here.

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Second, you can instantly download your digital copy 1 of 3 ways:

1. You can download directly here and have your copy in minutes.

2. You can order from me, here, and you will receive a personalized email from me with your book file, within 1-2 days.

3. You can buy it from Amazon and have it sent immediately to your Kindle or use n your Kindle App (and if you have Kindle Unlimited, it is FREE).

If you’re interested in bulk sales, I have some fantastic offers for you. Learn more about how you can save when you spend $50 or more or $100 or more.

Want to read interviews and reviews? Here are a few…

Black Love: Get Over ’50 Shades of Grey,’ Read ‘Push the Button’ by Brionna Jimerson On NBC

Feminista Jones’s “Push the Button” is the “Fifty Shades of Grey” Alternative I Needed to Read on XO Jane by Pia Glenn

7 kinky books and movies that are way better than ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ on Daily Dot

10 Lusty Works Of Erotic Literature Other Than ‘Fifty Shades’ by Kristen Sollee on Bustle.com

Interview with Maya Francis on Very Smart Bros

Review by Garfield at Real Goes Right

Interview and Review by Allison Granted

Finally, if you’re an independent bookseller and want to work out a consignment arrangement, please email me (info@feministajones.com) for more information.

XOXO,

FJLOGO1

Fluid Bonding in the Era of STD/Is

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Many participants in “alternative” lifestyles engage in what is called “fluid bonding” and may label themselves as “fluid-bound” to someone(s). This happens in vanilla relationships as well, but it isn’t discussed as such because it still remains taboo, though I’m not quite sure why. Perhaps it is because it is mostly the people in alt lifestyles who apply the terminology/idea to their behaviors that others still think of it as taboo. I wanted to talk a bit about what it means to engage in fluid bonding and also touch on some other sexual acts involving fluid exchanges, particularly in the era of widespread STDs/STIs.

To be “fluid-bound” means to agree to engage in sexual activity that does not include barrier protections like condoms and dental dams. It means two or more people make the conscientious, risk-aware decision to exchange bodily fluids with each other. While some people inadvertently slide into this behavior, those proactively choosing to be fluid-bound are more likely to have open conversations in which they may identify this type of sexual behavior as being an enhancement in their relationship and they enter into this practice conscientiously. This usually means getting tested for STDs/STIs, talking about potential risky behaviors, and agreeing to be open and honest with each other about all of their sexual activity.

What fluids are bonded? There’s semen, vaginal secretions, breast milk, urine, saliva, and blood. (There are more, but for my own reasons, I’m not going to delve into those).  Semen, saliva, and vaginal secretions are pretty self-explanatory– people agree to release those while engaging in activities with their partner(s). What’s interesting about saliva is that many people don’t consider this a fluid worth discussing, particularly when they kiss each other, but saliva does carry some nasty little things that you may want to avoid or at least discuss before puckering up.

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“Vampire Kiss” by gaelx via Flickr

Some people engage in lactation play during which breast milk is fed or consumed. As HIV is transmitted via breast milk, it is important to consider testing before engaging in this fluid exchange and this type of play. Urine is exchanged most notably during “golden showers”, which is a type of water sport or “Urolagnia“. Blood is exchanged in various ways, but some folks engage in “blood-letting” which is often connected to vampirism. The risks are great, as many STDs/STIs are transferred through blood, so people engaging in these acts have to be super careful and definitely be proactive about fluid bonding.

Not everyone believes that being fluid-bound signifies a deeper connection, however. The notion that not using barrier methods of protection indicates greater trust is, in my opinion, directly related to the fear of transmitting diseases or pregnancy. Some believe that if you use protection, you don’t completely trust your partner(s) and/or you’re not willing to have a child with them, so you must not be deeply connected. This is not always true. Not wanting to have a child at this particular point in your life does not mean you don’t trust your partner(s) or that you won’t ever want to have a child with them.

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“Condoms and Conversations” by Greg Stokes via Flickr

Opting to use protection or insisting upon using it doesn’t mean you suspect your partner(s) of betraying your trust or sneaking around. It could simply mean that you re prioritizing your own health and taking no unnecessary chances that may force you to change the course of your life. “If you trusted me, you wouldn’t be asking me to use a condom” is an all-too-common coercive refrain heard by those whose trust and loyalty are called into question. Don’t fall for it. Use protection as long as you feel it is necessary to do so and don’t let anyone convince you that it has any bearing on your connection or level of intimacy.

Getting tested together fosters intimacy, in my opinion. It shows openness for difficult conversations, commitment to each others’ health and well-being, and an overall maturity when it comes to sexual health decisions. If your partner shows hesitancy when it comes to getting tested for STDs/STIs, that’s a major red flag. If your partner then goes on to insist against using protection, you should probably scram. But if your partner shows willingness and is open to taking that step together and you feel the time is right, fluid bonding can make for very different sexual/kinky experiences and can open doors to try things you’ve not considered before.

Be well. Be safe. Fuck well. Fuck safe.

XOXO,

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FJ on… #StraightOuttaCompton

Finally found a way to save my Periscope chats, so here is the latest on the new movie Straight Outta Compton about infamous rap group, N.W.A.

The Perilous Life of a Woman Writer Online

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I have been blogging consistently since 2004 and I began getting paid for my written words in 2012. Though I have published a novel, have appeared in anthologies and journals, and speak publicly, most of my content appears online. My work has been featured in the digital spaces of publications like TIME, EBONY, Salon, Washington Post, BlogHer, and more.

Over the years, I have learned that being a woman writer means engaging in regular acts of defiance. Having a “voice” and being unafraid to use it, as a woman, is revolutionary. Still. In 2015. Feeling free enough to even engage oneself in independent thoughts, devoting the time and energy to articulate and formulate a cohesive piece, and finally being brave enough to share it with people all over the world are no small feats, regardless of gender identity. But being a woman who chooses to engage in this process means opening oneself up to specific backlash generally meant to silence you from ever speaking out again. It is discouraging, to say the least, and there are those of us who will not go down without fight while completely understanding why other simply walk away from it all.

In order to understand how far we have NOT progressed as a society, particularly when it comes to sexism, we can begin with looking at the treatment of women who write and publish their work online. There is no topic a woman can write about that will afford her refuge from the risks of backlash, so let us not focus on the content being the inspiration for the ire. A woman can write a recipe for brewing the best beer and if she publishes it online, there’s a good chance at least one person will have a negative, likely gender-based response, for example.

There are, in my opinion, four major responses/ reactions to women writers that I see happen to women of all ages, races, classes, religions, and sexual orientations. These are various methods of silencing women that are regularly employed in online spaces. Simply identifying as a woman makes one vulnerable to any one or combination of these:

  • Superficial, Aesthetic-Based Insults/Slurs
  • Intellectual Criticism
  • Threats/Wishes of Violence
  • Plagiarism

Superficial, Aesthetic-Based Insults/Slurs

In a society that pressures women to focus more on how they look than what they say, image matters in ways it absolutely should not. If a woman’s physical presentation does not fit into an incredibly specific aesthetic ideal, she is immediately fair game for insults about her looks. And when she does, they will still find something to comment on, like one eyebrow not being well-arched enough.

Aesthetic insults are often worse for women of color, older women, larger women (in height and weight), trans women, and disabled women. Unfortunately, these insults are often effective because 1) we’re human beings and words do hurt; and 2) many of us have not been able to fully divest from the societal pressure put on women to look our “best”, so yeah, it gets to us. And who really wants to be called a “worthless cunt” or “stupid bitch” every single time an opinion is expressed, or have “ugly, man-hating feminist” hurled at them as a “slur” simply because you’re writing about an issue related to women?

There are only so many insults and slurs a woman can take before she gets discouraged from even posting her ideas, so unless she ignores the comments on the piece itself, those emailed to her, or those tweeted or added to Facebook statuses, this particular silencing tactic might work. The worst part about this? They don’t have anything to do with what she has written, which shows complete disregard for her intelligence and/or writing skills.

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Intellectual Criticism

Intellectual criticism is one of the most blatant silencing tactics used against women writers. Calling women “stupid”, “ignorant”, “dumb”, or whatever other insults, without fully reading what was written seems like the new masturbation material. Seriously. These men, primarily, log onto these sites, barely glance at what was written, and congregate in the comments sections or the women’s Twitter mentions just to beat off together, aroused by the thrill of insulting stranger women.

The attacks levied against women who are quite brilliant and whose arguments we incredibly well-articulated are rooted in the disbelief that women can ever make sense. No one is suggesting that one has to agree with every argument presented, but to outright deny a woman’s intelligence simply because you don’t agree with her is absurd.

Men are not immune to this treatment, but I have certainly observed that men are given more leeway to have differing opinions and other men are more willing to engage in respectful discourse about their disagreements. Women are not usually afforded the same respect. Hyperbolic reactions like “This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever read in my entire life” are easy to spot in the comments sections of women’s articles online and it isn’t until another man cosigns what the woman says do the insulting assholes decide that maybe it’s worth it to actually discuss the arguments made in the comments.

Threats/Wishes of Violence

Women are subjected to some of the most vile, violent threats in online spaces and it is simply disgusting. And if you are a woman of color, you can expect the vitriol to increase nearly exponentially. Women and young adults experience the most harassment on social media and women report being stalked more and having more intensely negative reactions to their online treatment. Many suggest that women simply ignore the abuse, but that is no kind of viable solution, so I wish people would stop suggesting it.

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If a woman doesn’t use canola oil and opts for vegetable oil in a recipe, she might have someone comment “I hope you burn in a deep fryer!” I mean, it’s really that bad.

Online harassment of women is one of the most serious issues that few people take seriously. Neither the operators of platforms nor the police do little to protect us from the verbal abuse, stalking, doxxing, and threats of in-person violence. It can take years for anyone to get any response at all.

This particular silencing tactic is highly effective because one never knows what is serious and what is not. In this age of free and easy information access, anyone can find you and cause you harm. How does one simply dismiss a vulgar threat or wish of violence because it was typed and not said to one’s face? And when you’re a mother and people introduce your children into it, the fear escalates significantly. A woman may easily decide to never write anything again if doing so means putting her family at risk.

Plagiarism

One of the most insidious silencing tactics is to simply take what a woman writes, repackage it, and present it as one’s own work to achieve more recognition and accolades than the original writer. This is often a tactic used against marginalized women (Trans woman, WoC, disabled women, etc). Women who lack access to mainstream outlets or who are not paid/endorsed by larger organizations, institutions, or firms are particularly vulnerable to this type of silencing.

Inherent in this type of plagiarism is the belief that the woman who produced the content is not worth attributing credit and that her work is better off in someone else’s hands or name. One has to believe that the creator does not need or deserve to be heard herself, for whatever reason. Black women writers who concentrate their work on persona blogs, for example, often find that White/non-Black people and Black men with more access to outlets plagiarize their work. We often have so many “journalists” and media types following our blogs and Twitter feeds, mining for content and ideas so they can flip it around and produce “ground-breaking” work… that they stole from us.

People of all genders and races engage in this type of silencing abuse because, again, they do not believe women’s voices are valuable or opinions viable. It is painful to pour your energy into a piece, share it, and invite discourse only to see that someone basically ripped your entire concept and nearly republished your content verbatim.

Do people have similar thoughts and writing styles? Yes. Do we exist in a rapid-fire response time when every outlet wants to be the first and get the most hits? Yes. Can there be similarities and overlap? Of course. I’ve seen accusations of plagiarism when none existed and that isn’t fair. However, when it is blatant that people with more power, privilege, and access take from disenfranchised women, we have to call it what it is: abuse.

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I write all of this to say that writing is a passion of mine and I won’t ever be silenced. I have a voice and intend to use it for as long as I am able. A lot of younger women seek advice from me about being a writer and how I got to where I am and I think it is important that they understand the rather dark, ugly side of being a woman writer in these spaces. If you are mentally/emotionally prepared to deal with this, then charge forward.

We have to keep fighting until this abusive culture dissipates and a lot of that work relies on your bravery. Let’s continue to support women writers and challenge, call out, and clap back at those who engage in abusive silencing.

Current Mood:

16896979519_d92a07bc61_zXOXO,

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One Year After #NMOS14, We Will Have #NoMoreSilence

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I wanted to do something to commemorate the anniversary of the historic event: The National Moment of Silence (2014), which took place on August 14, 2014. Called #NMOS14 on social media, the event gathered together hundreds of thousands of people across 42 of the United States of America and 5 countries in over 119 vigils to honor victims of police brutality. People of all ages, races, classes, genders, and religions gathered together in solidarity for one moment of silence that took place 7:00 p.m. EST.

To mark this occasion, and because the police are still brutalizing and killing unarmed people who pose little to no threat, we know now that there can be NO MORE SILENCE.

For the past year, the Black Lives Matter movement has taken steam. Though it began in a couple of years ago in response to the death of Trayvon Martin, the organization and the subsequent movement have, over the past year, challenged the ways we think about liberty and humanity.

The fight continues.

I’m asking that on August 14, 2015, you all join me in honoring the fallen by changing your avatars on social media to images of people who have been wrongly killed by law enforcement officers. I am also asking that we use the hashtag #NoMoreSilence to reach out to our elected officials on Twitter and our more vocal celebs with huge platforms to push and demand they act to bring about justice to us all. We must hold the people we put into power accountable for making sure the world is a safer place for us all.

Sample tweets:

Hey (Elected official’s @ name), hundreds of people have been killed by police. What is your plan of action to address this? #NoMoreSilence

Do you (Elected official’s @ name) believe that #BlackLivesMatter? If so, what’s your plan to protect them? #NoMoreSilence

What are your thoughts about all of the people being killed by police (Elected official’s @ name)? #NoMoreSilence

Did you know that XX unarmed people of color have been killed in your state since you’ve been elected? #NoMoreSilence

We demand plans of action to combat police brutality & the rash of killings of unarmed people (Elected official’s @ name)! #NoMoreSilence

 

Below are some images I made of various people who have died as a result of police brutality, excessive force, neglect, etc. Use these in your avatars, on Facebook, on Instagram, and in your tweets so that people remember their names and faces. I’m including a blank template so that you can make your own. The font is “Special Elite” and you can find it on picmonkey.comtemplate

 

vonderrit myers yvette smith tyisha miller Shantel Davis tarika wilson Paul Castaway rekia boyd sandra bland sam dubose sarah lee circle bear pearlie golden oscar grant NMSAsjTr mike brown john crawford alesia thomas egarner darrien hunt jesse hernandez

Help FJ Get Reinstated on Facebook (#FJIsReal) ACTION: 7/31/15 12:00pm EST)

Hey hey hey good people

Someone reported me on Facebook for not using a “real” name. That’s really the only way they catch onto folks like this. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was an organized effort by some folks.

If you go to my page on Facebook, you’ll see this:

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I have about 3,100 friends on Facebook, many of whom do not use Twitter. Yes, I have a fan page, but my FB page has been used for more personal, long-form engagement than Twitter allows. I’m also a part of community groups, networking groups, and other empowerment groups.

I also used Facebook, primarily, to organize #NMOS14 (which took place on August 14, 2014). I’m currently organizing the Women’s Freedom Conference (October 25, 2015) and Facebook is going to be essential for engagement.

When I log in, this is what I see:

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According to FB’s policy, you have to use a name that people know you as in “real life”. This has had a negative impact on so many people, including transgender people and indigenous Native people.

Well, most of you know me as Feminista Jones and have many ways to prove that don’t require me “proving” it. For the record, I do have qualifying documents that could prove my FJ identity, but that really isn’t the point. There is way more to this than that. I understand if you think I’m being stubborn, but I’m not about that life.

I’m asking for your help. Here are some ways you can help me:

Via Facebook:

1. Log into your account. Go to the upper right corner and open the admin tab. Select “Report A Problem”

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2. Select Login

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3. Send this message:

Facebook has suspended the user Feminista Jones (Facebook.com/FeministaJones) because someone reported her name as not being her real identity.

A quick Google search of “Feminista Jones” will pull up several pages of articles written by and about her, in various international publications. She is also a published author who regularly appears on live segments such as Huffington Post Live as “Feminista Jones”.

Feminista Jones is a social justice organizer and uses Facebook as a platform to engage people in work to improve the lives of many around the country and world. Suspending her page is not only unfair, it is laden with bias, as there are millions of “fake names” that are allowed to go unchecked.

I urge you to reinstate user Feminista Jones immediately, as she is no harm to anyone, has never been abusive towards any users, and uses Facebook to engage many communities to make the world a better place.

Sincerely,
(your name)

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Via Twitter:

On Friday July 31, 2015 at 12:00PM EST/ 9:00AM PT, join me in a Twitter storm to inundate the @Facebook account with proof that I’m real. Use the #FJIsReal hashtag and share links to my articles, links to my TV appearances, pictures of you holding my book, etc. Anything that has my name on it.

Here are some images and links you can use:

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Link: http://www.c-span.org/video/?320506-1/netroots-nation-conference-social-movement-leaders#

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Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Sz1oC_DVz7U

My Book on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Push-Button-Feminista-Jones-ebook/dp/B00OJP2ZMS/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1414025433&sr=8-1&keywords=feminista+jones

My short story on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Born-Free-Feminista-Jones-ebook/dp/B010YY4WPA/ref=pd_sim_351_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=1RVCNHFBQNVF0GVRDSKW

 

Examples of tweets:

Hey @Facebook, #FJIsReal! Reinstate her page now! Facebook.com/FeministaJones (add link or picture of my book, screenshot of me on a show with my name, etc)

Hey @Facebook, Feminista Jones is not a fake, abusive account. #FJIsReal (add link or picture of my book, screenshot of me on a show with my name, etc)

Or make up your own, but include “@Facebook” and #FJIsReal

**I prefer you NOT include my Twitter handle so that I’m not inundated with tweets.**

You can also do the same on Facebook and tag Facebook in them at the same time.

You can finally send an email to this address info+vgvnfvs.aea2d65o77gco@support.facebook.com with the same message. It has to all happen at the same time, so if we could do it at 12:00pm EST, that would be great.

SUBJ: Reinstate Use Feminista Jones

Facebook has suspended the user Feminista Jones (Facebook.com/FeministaJones) for allegedly having a “fake” name.

A quick Google search of “Feminista Jones” will pull up several pages of articles written by and about her, in various international publications. She is also a published author who regularly appears on live segments such as Huffington Post Live as “Feminista Jones”.

Feminista Jones is a social justice organizer and uses Facebook as a platform to engage people in work to improve the lives of many around the country and world. Suspending her page is not only unfair, it is laden with bias, as there are millions of “fake names” that are allowed to go unchecked.

I urge you to reinstate user Feminista Jones immediately, as she is no harm to anyone, has never been abusive towards any users, and uses Facebook to engage many communities to make the world a better place.

Sincerely,
(your name)

 

Thank you! Let’s see what we can do!

 

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