#TWiBad #30| You Study What? Guest @DrChauntelle

What Does All This Porn Mean?

 

TWIBAD 30

We discuss the orgasm-inducing implant, the HIV-prevention drug, Truvada, and spend some time with Dr. Chauntelle Tibbals to discuss the current state of the porn industry and its place in society.

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Gentlemen’s Corner: What Men Need To Know About #StreetHarassment

Gentlemen’s Corner is a series of blog posts by men. I want to give men the opportunity to speak about themselves in relation to how they see us, think about us, feel about us… their wishes, dreams, and hopes for us… and their wants, needs, and desires from us. This is an effort to bridge the gaps that seem to perpetually plague our interactions. If you’re a man interested in contributing to this site with a relevant post, please send an email pitch to feministajones@gmail.com

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It’s one of the most plaguing issues in our community and while it pains me to break it to you, the fact remains that we (Black men) are all responsible—every last one of us. As Black men, we’ve waged years of unrelenting torment against Black women via street harassment. For our purposes, street harassment can best be described as any form of unsolicited attention paid to a stranger (usually a woman) in public that is an intrusion on her time, personal space, and most importantly, safety. Many of us have failed to see how our conduct in public space has created unspeakable trauma for many women of color. As a result, it is up to us to be amenable to change.

What has stood as the most pervasive impediment to this is the frighteningly large population of Black men who are still clueless to their roles in perpetuating it. This unwillingness to accept this truth only exacerbates androcentrism, obfuscates the conversation of male privilege, and derails any subsequent discourse which might bring about necessary changes. Regardless, the time has come for us as Black men to collectively accept the fact that we’re all culpable. That’s the only way we’re going to eradicate street harassment.

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There are men who still hold steadfast to the perverse idea that complete strangers are not allowed to exist outside of their agency. They believe it is a “right” of men to approach women “they” find attractive as they see fit. They justify this harassment by dragging the conversation into the pastures of cordial pleasantries. It’s a bogus counterpoint because we’re all smart enough to know there is a world of difference between complimenting a stranger’s shoes in passing (and keeping it moving) and screaming obscenities at a woman who wouldn’t smile on command.

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Image: Books & Feminism Blog

 

This is what entitlement looks like. When it comes to the safety and comfort of other human beings, complete strangers in this case, we have no rights—no entitlements. We do not have any claims. It doesn’t matter if we’re the nicest guys in the world, the wealthiest, or the best looking– we do not have any autonomy in this regard. If you have a problem with this, chances are great that you’re a street harasser.

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We’re not being asked, but rather we’re being told by black women to respect them and ourselves. To acquiesce to this call, let’s establish a framework for both self and collective governance.

First, understand how terrifying street harassment is. It’s to the point where many women have no desire to try and decipher the authenticity of our advances in public. Most women would prefer to be left alone—without exception. Public places are generally not safe and most women (not exclusive to black women) are already on guard. Our advances at this point (particularly in unfamiliar spaces) are generally not welcomed—and who could begrudge them this desire to be left alone? This isn’t personal. This is for survival. There are always exceptions to every rule (for you slow guys), but I implore all of us to swear allegiance to the rule on this one and let the exceptions occur ONLY when there is clear initiation by the other party or invitation. It’s that important.

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Remember, strangers do not owe you anything. They do not owe you a moment of their time or cordiality. I’m asking us all to challenge the little voice inside that demands that we place our superficial proclivities in front of the overall safety and well being of women. Worry less about complete strangers who are simply minding their own business and trying to move safely from one destination to the next without being asked to “smile” or “stop for a second.”

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Image: The New Agenda

 

When we are around other men who are street harassers, whether they skirt the line or are overt, you and I have a responsibility to call them out. Our friends, uncles, and brothers should all be held accountable. Many men who are street harassers never see their “harmless” albeit puerile attempts to garner a woman’s attention as anything other than a form of chivalry. This is where the perversion really takes flight. This is a thought process similar to that of rapists, muggers, and murderers.  It’s hard for most men to imagine because we have conditioned each other to believe we’re owed the right to talk to anyone, anywhere, at anytime (and women better be receptive and happy about it—or else).

We’re better than this. We can do better and be better. It’s going to take a collective effort. Stop street harassing, call it out when you see it, and let’s do our part to create a world where are sisters, daughters, and mothers can walk to and fro without cowering in fear—of us.

André George is a Lifestyle Writer and Brand Strategist. Follow him on Twitter/Instagram/Tumblr @TheAndreGeorge

 

 

The Love Story of Coretta and Martin

I have read articles and book chapters about the marriage between Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Coretta Scott King, two of the most prominent figures of the American Civil Rights movement of the 1950s and 1960s. I have learned interesting facts about how they met and their courtship, and I have been made privy to various allegations of extramarital affairs (on both sides).

2006 New York Times article gives the following background on the beginning of their story:

She was studying music at the New England Conservatory of Music in Boston in 1952 when she met a young graduate student in philosophy, who on their first date told her: “The four things that I look for in a wife are character, personality, intelligence and beauty. And you have them all.” A year later, she and Dr. King, then a young minister from a prominent Atlanta family, were married, beginning a remarkable partnership that ended with his assassination in Memphis on April 4, 1968.

 

Image: Boston Globe 

It was not that simple, however, because Coretta was a woman with her own mind and objectives:

While studying music, she met King, then pursuing a PhD at Boston University. “…he was looking for a wife. I wasn’t looking for a husband, but he was a wonderful human being,” she told an interviewer. “I still resisted his overtures, but after he persisted, I had to pray about it…I had a dream, and in that dream, I was made to feel that I should allow myself to be open and stop fighting the relationship. That’s what I did, and of course the rest is history. “ Source

“I had a dream,” said Coretta. Ahh, the power of dreams.

Read more at BlogHer

In the World of “Kink”, Is ‘Vanilla” a Slur?

My name is Feminista Jones and I am Kinky and proud! I realized a few years ago that I could never be completely happy in a “vanilla” relationship and that being “kinky” is a non-negotiable requirement for any union of which I become a part. I use these two terms because they are the most commonly used adjectives to differentiate between the lifestyles and practices of people who are involved in the BDSM Lifestyle and those who are not. I’ve come to think that these terms are polarizing and I think it’s time to reconsider the connotations of the words and maybe broaden the scope of our internal “lifestyle language”.

Vanilla” is a term used within the kink community to denote people who do not engage in BDSM-related activities within their relationships. “Vanilla” is a rather broad term and I struggle with it because it’s highly subjective, as it relies on universally agreed upon and accepted practices that are labeled “kinky” or “vanilla”. Sexual behaviors fall onto a wide spectrum of “types” and one person’s “vanilla” might be another person’s “extreme kink”.  It can also sometimes have derogatory connotations that I don’t think are fairly applied to people not in “The Lifestyle”.  It is sometimes used to suggest people not involved in kink aren’t having good enough sex or having enough excitement in their relationships. I find myself using the term less and less, but I also recognize that when it comes to language, we often use what we know is most-widely understood.

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Image: katalinks via Shutterstock

 I am pretty specific about my interactions with men and women, within this lifestyle, and these interactions cater to the sexual desires and fantasies most closely associated with my sexual fluidity. My self-awareness grew over time, however, and I find that though I’ve openly identified as “kinky” for over a decade, I’m still exploring and learning more about my tastes, preferences, and pleasure in and out of the bedroom. I do my best to appreciate that others are on the same journey of exploration.

Read more at BlogHer

“Annie” is a Black Girl and the World Hasn’t Ended

Last year, Academy Award-nominated African American actress Quvenzhané Wallis was confirmed as the lead role in the Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith-produced remake of the classic movie Annie. She’d just been nominated for her amazing portrayal of Hush Puppy in Beasts of the Southern Wild and received a lot of buzz as a rising star in Hollywood.  I don’t recall much fanfare around the announcement—I guess people were too focused on making jokes about the talented young actress being the “c-word” (prompted, ironically, by Quvenzhane’s correction of a reporter who attempted to shorten her name to Annie).

 

Annie

Image: Sony Pictures

 

I was excited when I first heard the news, because I’ve enjoyed the movies the Smiths have produced, and I am happy to see more African American producers, directors, writers, and actors making movies that tell diverse stories everyone can relate to and enjoy. Don’t get me wrong—I love the culturally nuanced stories, the stories of hardship, the family-centered movies, ripe with tradition and laughs, and the historical dramas. Sometimes, though, I just want to see a good movie that features a diverse cast without making race the center of the entire story.

Read more at BlogHer

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