Guest Blogger, Asa Todd (@sanitythief), has been exploring online dating as a single Black woman in her 30s. This series chronicles her journey, the ups-and-downs and ins-and-outs. Check out Part One.
Ever since Whitney Houston shut down Diane Sawyer with her infamous “Show me the receipts” line, everyone has been asking for them.
So today I’m gonna hand out the receipts on why we ladies sometimes say “Men are trash.” Now is not the time to “Not all men” me or say “You attract what you put out” because the way I’m feeling, your mouth may just attract my fist. But I digress.
Come take a walk with me down “Girrrrlllll!” lane.
“Me? Fail English? That’s unpossible”
First and foremost, I’m not a “grammar Nazi” and I don’t put a ton of stock into small spelling or punctuation errors on dating profiles. Sometimes we get in our feelings and to the bottom of a bottle of White Zinfandel on a lonely night as we create them. Of course what we write isn’t always ready for a peer review and publication. I get it.
“Self inployed”. Mind you, he made this spelling error in more than one place. The run on sentences that are looking for punctuation in the daytime with a flashlight. Then. THEN. Having the gall to lie about your age by a 14-year age gap. I say it time and time again: Don’t trust men that refuse to date women their own age or seem as if they turned off spell-check.
“OJ Simpson Ain’t Got Shit On Me”
Far be it from me to tell anybody who to date and who to love; I actually don’t have any ill thoughts towards interracial couples. But it’s stupid stuff, like the above profile, that makes me sick.
First, he begins by saying his preference is not an indictment on Black women but he follows up by implying that White women “don’t cause drama”. Something I’ve learned about these types of Black men is that they often say that Black women are more defensive or combative than White women and that White women are more laid back and “submissive.”
What they don’t tell you is that how they interact with Black women and White women is night-and-fucking-day. These men create a self-fulfilling prophecy by arguing, antagonizing, gaslighting, and belittling the Black women they “give a chance.” And when you justifiably read their ass the riot act, it becomes “See?! This is why I can’t be with a Black woman. I was just trying to be nice to you.” Meanwhile, if they have a conversation with Becky, they’re getting to know one another, finding out likes and dislikes, and you know, actually conversing. These men start out on a negative note in order to justify their preference for White women.
I’m not falling for the con anymore.
“I Go From Zero-to-Creep Real Quick”
On this particular day, I was low on sleep and high on curiosity. I wanted to see where this little conversation would take me. I usually make it a point to not trust men that wear colorful, reflective sunglasses when not skiing or snowboarding because they are always on douche bag/ dude bro levels of Von Dutch trucker hats. My stereotype still has not failed me, as seen above.
“Musty Palette Twitter Makes It To POF”
Trolling Black women is the favorite pastime of the Ankh- Right and White Supremacists. They are really just two separate chapters of the “He Man Woman Haters Club”.
I can’t really give too much commentary on this interaction, because I didn’t respond. However, since I shared this with some groups I’m in I have a PSA to make: Stop telling Black women to “Stop feeding the trolls”. Is my mere existence now “feeding the trolls?” Some of y’all got the “Can’t help it”s when it comes to victim-blaming.
For all the instances of seeing “bitch, hoe, nigger” in my inbox for simply looking for a partner, I am somehow to blame for being called these names by assholes I’ve never met or interacted with.
Shut the fuck up.
(…stay tuned for Part 3)
Asa Todd is a blogger from New Jersey. She blogs about make-up, mental health, and dating/relationships. Follow her on Twitter @sanitythief and Instagram @makeupandmania.
If you’d like to be featured as a guest blogger, send your pitches to firstname.lastname@example.org. We are currently welcoming pitches about dating, sex, relationships, kink, and the like.