Guest Blogger, Asa Todd (@sanitythief), has been exploring online dating as a single Black woman in her 30s. This series chronicles her journey, the ups-and-downs and ins-and-outs. 






After working through and healing from a break up of a relationship of over two years, I decided to get back in the dating game. I knew it might be difficult at first, but I’d get the hang of it again. Right? Wrong!

Of all the lessons I’d learned from my last relationship and doing the work to get over it, I knew settling wasn’t an option. I learned where I could make compromises and where I could not. I also know red flags when I see them.

Dating sites like Plenty of Fish and are flooded with red flags. Let’s journey down a list of just a few shall we:

  • “Age 34, but I look like my AARP card is well worn”– Let’s dispel the myth that only women lie about their age right here. An S-Curl and Just For Men dye job can only hide but so much, especially if you are partial to wearing linen suits and dress shoes with jeans. Also, when you ask why they lie about their age and they say something along the lines of “I don’t connect or get along with women my age”, sound the alarm. Much older men who specifically target younger women are doing so because they either haven’t reached a level of maturity and success that men their age typically have or they want to take advantage of an imbalanced power dynamic.
  • “I’m supposed to describe myself in my profile, but instead let me tell you about all the types of women I hate”– Nothing screams “RUN” like a man who, in his “About Me” section, can only go on a tirade about fake women, gold diggers, hoes, single mothers, not wanting to pay for dates, etc. It’s obvious they have some mommy issues they have yet to work out, but can’t wait to project them onto you.
  • Why in the year 2017 of our Lord and savior Queen Bey are we still trying to catfish people? – I took the initiative to message a fellow who I found attractive and who had written an interesting profile. All was going well until maybe 5 messages in, if that, he says he wants to buy me leopard print panties. So being that this raised a red flag for me, I went to my good friend Google Image Search and found that the pics belonged to an up-and-coming artist. Once I realized I was being duped, I asked him if he knew this artist and poof! The whole message thread was gone.
  • Stop with the blank profiles!– I don’t care how attractive you think you are, if you can’t be bothered to put in even a little effort into describing yourself, then I can’t be bothered to pull teeth to get to know you. Men with blank profiles are the equivalent to eBay ads with no specs, a description written in broken English, and no reviews. In other words, they are a waste of your time.
  • “Hello” *1 minute 30 seconds later* “Oh so you can’t be bothered to speak. Stuck up bitch”– Listen. I don’t spend every waking second on dating app messengers. Most of the time, the people I actually know and like won’t get a timely response to me through regular texts. The entitlement you feel to my time and attention as well as your automatic assumption that you are being ignored is a sure sign you are controlling and unstable.

Online dating really shouldn’t be this hard but…


5qIgyr0DAsa Todd is a blogger from New Jersey. She blogs about make-up, mental health, and dating/relationships. Follow her on Twitter @sanitythief and Instagram @makeupandmania.


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