Ladies: You’re looking for men in the wrong places/packaging.

I’m going to blog about this idea from a few angles over the next few weeks. It really struck me recently just how much women limit themselves when it comes to men because we have so many notions of what makes a man a “good” man that we don’t even bother considering the possibility that maybe men outside of those ideas are “good” men too. We have to work on that. Why? Because the “There aren’t any good men” mantra is old and tired. OLD AND TIRED!! There are PLENTY of good, single men out there. They’re not all married, gay, in jail, or broke either. There are a lot of single men out there who would be good for us if we just stop being so limiting in our considerations.

This blog is about finding the men with the big dicks.

A while back, I tweeted about “Big Dick Swagger” better known as BDS. What is BDS, you ask? BDS is the aura men with big dicks give off simply because they have big dicks. Their having a big dick compels them to live their lives, mostly unconsciously, in certain ways because they have those big, wonderful dicks.


  • A man with BDS, walks with a gait. He saunters. Why? Because he has to walk around his big ass dick and in order to balance all that weight properly, he has to have a certain glide in his step.
  • A man with BDS is never comfortable sitting on a stool at a bar. Look for the man constantly shifting in his seat, standing by the stool, or getting up every few minutes to stretch his 3 legs.
  • A man with BDS passes you and your eyes didn’t see him but your pussy felt him. When you randomly feel a tingle in your pussy, you probably just passed a man with a big dick.
  • A man with BDS doesn’t have to come over and introduce himself, his big ass dick beckons your and your loins guide you to him. It’s not the music moving your hips uncontrollably. You’re in the room with at least one man with a big dick.
  • A man with BDS can’t ever fathom wearing skinny jeans. Not because he doesn’t like the style, but because he wants to have children in the future. Say no to men in skinny jeans.
  • A man with BDS likely avoids flat front pants because he always ends up looking erect, even when he’s visiting his grandma at Shady Pines. You avoid the men with flat front slacks.
  • A man with BDS probably got good grades in school because all he had to do was show up. His female teachers felt compelled to appreciate his presence and gave him As for Attendance.
  • A man with BDS will never be the first man to approach you in a social setting. He knows the power of his swagger, so he lets other men try and fail. It only feeds his ego. Check for dude number 3 or 4 who nods and merely says “Sup”.
  • A man with BDS only pays when he wants to. Next time you go out to dinner, check for couples where the woman takes the check. Dude has a big dick. He is probably a punk for letting her, but she doesn’t mind. He pays his way in deep backshots.

You get the point.

So here are 5 Men You Never Knew Had Big Dicks, according to me.

1. The IT guy at your job.

He is great at fixing computers and he is smart as all get out. He is probably also occasionally a condescending douche. But… his dick is big. Why? God isn’t cruel. He’s not going to create a  generally socially awkward introvert and not give him SOMETHING to work with. And… he probably watches a lot of porn, so he has a great chance of being a stone cold freak. Don’t sleep on the computer nerds.

2. Slim Jim

He is the skinniest dude you know. He looks like if the wind blows too hard, he might have to hold onto somebody or some thing. But he never does, does he? You wanna know why? The weight of his big ass dick is his anchor. Do NOT sleep on skinny dudes. They might need a cheeseburger or three, but burgers 1 and 2 go straight to their dicks. *Most* slim dudes are packing heat in the Dick Department. Get you some.

3. The Preacher’s Son

Religious men = Freaky men. The most freaky shit you ever wanna know about comes from church folks. And it usually happens *inside* of the church. There’s a whole lot of fellowshipping going on in the Fellowship Hall

Church dudes are often packing heat. That quiet one who always comes in with his 60-something year old Deaconness mother on his arm? 9 solid thick inches.  The cute Minister-in-Training? Ask half the soprano section what that dick do. Just have an interpreter nearby for when they start speaking tongues.

4. The Broke Man

Maybe it’s me, but it seems like the (f)unemployed men always have the biggest dicks. Maybe it’s all the time they have to masturbate, over time it just increases the size of their dicks or what. But… if you EVER wonder why educated, well-paid career women have some dude at home sitting on her couch, having been unemployed for 18 months… it’s because he has a big ass dick. Ain’t no woman in her right mind keeping a man around who isn’t bringing in money or contributing to household expenses and has a little dick. Nope. He is earning his keep like a muthafucka!! She walks in the house, he is standing there, dick-in-hand, like “How was your day, baby? You ready?”… just like she told his ass he BETTER be. Don’t sleep on the man with short pockets. He makes up for it in long dick.

5. Your Best Friend

Your best single male friend more than likely has a big dick. How can you tell? He is always in some drama with women isn’t he? Always something about some crazy girl who can’t give him the space he needs right? Every 6 months, there’s a new one OR he has two he is juggling simultaneously right? Right. Now you know why. He is packing all kinds of sizable schlong. You wouldn’t even think about it because, hey, he’s your platonic friend.

……. but you thinking about his ass right now aren’t you? Yup!!! Watch how he walks next time. Check for the reactions and responses of women around him next time y’all are out. Yessir!!

Feel free to add to this list.




49 thoughts on “Five Men You Never Knew Had Big D*cks”

  1. Ok. I’ve been trying to comment for the past 7 minutes BUT my hands keep reaching for my phone to call The Guy (with his skinny, musical, and computer-literate ass). You are a trigger…and I’m not even mad. But this post! This post!!!!! How about you run for President because you spit some real shit?!?! lol

    Keep the truth and the laughs coming.

  2. I can attest to the SWAGGAH! My oldest daughter’s father (may he RIP) walked like John Mu’fuggin Wayne!!! When we frist started dating, I just HAD to measure him…from base to tip, erect, 11-inches…and I kept wondering why my 5’9, 130-pound ass kept getting bladder infections *blank stare* LOL

    Damn, that man been dead 3 1/2 years now and my pussy just twitched thinkin’ ’bout him…SMH


    P.S. Next time I see you I’m fightin’ you ’bout that damn church video *cackles*

  3. Nicole said “One word of warning though, if you happen to have a best friend, who is and IT geek, and is skinny….ummm take your vitamins before you step up to the plate.”

    I can completely confirm this statement. My BEST male friend is an IT geek and skinny…I have to start stretching and upping my potassium levels a few days before he hits my doorstep ’cause THAT mu’fuggah…WOOOOOOOO


  4. It’s really interesting to see how women perceive things. And to know exactly what you’re looking at when you all try to act like you’re not looking. lol Good Post

    On a different note, I appreciate your blog. I appreciate reading the “uncensored” and direct approach you have. So thank you for that ma’…

  5. Skinny nerds who are broke. I need you to stop telling people about my life. You already know, you ALREADY know! Once I get this prospectus done and defended, I’ma send you something…lawdhammercy…I likes ’em emaciated!

  6. LMAO! You pretty much hit the nail on the head. I’m a skinny, very confident, swag exuding, friendly, almost always standing, in a not-so-great financial situation right now, never had a one-episode sexual partner, who’s greatest joy is seeing her “WOW” face when it pops out or after I’m done with her. I never brag about my junk but I know what I’m working with and I’ve never ever had a bad review. Funny blog post. I can dig it.

  7. Lmao this post had me laughing out loud literally although I only experienced the skinny one his thing was at least 9 plus and super thick…I had the broke one…once again BDS out the frame..wait 2 broke but..there’s this new IT guy at my job and i been attracted to him like crazy..I borderline stalk him when he comes to my dept…now you gon have ne watching him closer ..another great post 😉

  8. This whole post is funny in a pathetic sad way. Never knew folks had free time like this.

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