Five Men You’re Overlooking… And Why You’re Losing

I want to continue the theme of “Five Men” that I started here, in hopes of broadening your minds about your potential dating pool.

Full Disclosure: I’ve been one of the pickiest daters you could ever know. Most of my requirements were related to things over which men had no control. I was so dead set on men having these qualities, that I would rather have been single than “settle” for men without them.  Then, I married a man who had almost every quality I wanted in a man… I mean everything except for ONE! And we ended up getting divorced. The lesson I learned: Just because a partner meets the requirements you have set, there is no guarantee that you will have a happy ending.

So… in light of that, after taking a while to cool off, I decided that I would be more open and flexible about my requirements. Again, for full disclosure, my requirements were:

  • 6’2 + in height
  • At least a bachelor’s degree
  • Skin darker than mine
  • Bald-headed or locs only
  • At least 2 years older than me
  • Income at least on par with mine, preferred more
  • No more than one child
  • Complete filthy nasty freak in bed, open to “swinging”, accepting of my bisexuality
  • A writer, musician, or visual artist of some sort
  • Must love hip-hop music at least as much as I do
  • Must be Black (country of origin didnt matter)
  • Dominant
  • Fire sign (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius)

As you can see, my list was STRINGENT. There was a reason though– I kept finding men who fit most of the bill. Crazy huh? The problem kept being that despite the men matching all if not most of these things (80% +), they just weren’t working out for me. It is one thing to have preferences. It’s another to be a complete hard-ass about things, leaving no room for compromise.

I’ve grown and I want to share some lessons I’ve learned with you. *NOTE* These are generalizations and not true for every attribute, for every man. Relax.

1. The Younger Man


I’ve read in a number of places that the average age difference in married couples over the last century has been 3.5 years. I’ve also read that the maturity of level of men and women vary so that a woman marrying a man 2-3 years older than her is really marrying a man her “age”. Makes sense to me. Women generally marry older men for various reasons including: wanting to feel protected, guided, subscribing to social norms, wanting a man with certain career/income achievements, wanting a more “experienced” man, etc. However, we’ve definitely seen a shift in that over the last decade or so. We now see more older women publicly dating/marrying younger men. They are jokingly called “Cougars”, which I have a deeper issue with because it makes it seem like we”re prowling for prey, but whatever. Let’s roll with it. I’m declaring this the “Season of the Cub” because everywhere I turn, younger men are doing their best to get with older women. I can’t blame them either 😉

The pros: energetic, lowered risk of previous heart break, increased sexual energy/appetite, eager to impress an older woman, can be a blank canvas

The cons: might not have a job or livable income, might be sexually under-experienced, might not live alone, immaturity can peak out, might not want a committed relationship

2. The Overweight Man


Sometimes, we disregard the big men. It’s a damn shame because many of us bigger women get disregarded too. Image is everything it seems. We make assumptions about bigger men/women’s personalities, intellectual capacity, self-esteem, hygiene, etc all because they weigh more than everyone else. Bananas. Good things come in all kinds of packages and while you’re waiting for some Boris Kfufhfkjoe looking dude to notice you (and he never will), you are missing out on that soft teddy bear loving from a man with extraordinary swag. Most of the men I’ve dated have been bigger men and let me tell you… there is little finer than a big ole man decked out in the meanest style, smelling like heaven, walking into a room drawing in all of the attention, flashing a pretty ass smile… mmmmmmm!!!

The pros: Huggable, often sweet natured, won’t make you feel bad for finishing your plate of wings, commanding/irresistible presence

The cons: Some tend to have small(er) penises, “Fat Boy” insecurity that leads to asshole behavior, decreased energy, increased health risks

3. The Involved Father of Multiple Children


This is a tricky one. I read a lot of women, especially childless women, talk about how they can’t date men with kids. I was one of those women… when I was like 21. Then I got older and realized that the older I get, the older men get. The older men get, the more likely they are to have at least ONE child. More than likely, if a man was in a long-term relationship or marriage, he will have more than one. Being a parent doesn’t negate a person’s value as a potential partner. If anything, it gives you a better sense of who the person is by the way the person interacts with him/her children. Now that I am a mother, I *prefer* dating men with children. Why? I don’t want to feel pressure to have more kids. I’m not against it. In fact, I’m open to it. It’s helpful if you have your own.

The pros: More likely to be settled down/grounded, more family-minded, understands obligation and commitment, more mature, fertile

The cons: Might have several baby mamas, financial obligations might have him strapped, might be limited in his “free” time

4. The Garbage Man (Or Any Similar Profession)


In NYC, sanitation workers earn $67K after 5 1/2 years. Read that again. Why? Because the first assumption we make about men in these jobs is that they don’t bring home a good enough income. Men working for Con Edison (our electric company) make from $56-110K a year. Firefighters make $50-88K a year. Construction workers average $59K a year. You see where I’m going with this?

You want the corporate dude, the IT dude, the banker,  the brother wearing the sharp suit to work every day, but guess what? He might not even be making this kind of money and might be working longer hours.  There is nothing wrong with the men who work in the field, getting their hands dirty if they are coming home with steady, honest income. And benefits.

The pros: nice income, steady work, physically strong/fit, can fix shit around the house, probably lays AMAZING pipe

The cons: comes home stinking to high heaven,* might* be under-educated (according to your personal standard)

5. The Shorter Man

 

Oooooh this is a big one. It’s hard for me, at 6’0, to even type this one. I have struggled with this for SO long… so very long. I am still struggling with it.

Wooosah. Ok. I’m ok. Just needed a moment.

I think the biggest struggle men today have is related to dick size. The second one is related to height. For whatever reasons, biological or social, height = manhood. Tall women are often referred to in masculine ways even. Men are supposed to be taller than women, to appear dominant over them. Men are supposed to be bigger than women to better protect them. We ALL pretty much buy into that. We’re doing ourselves a disservice though. I’m not saying at 6’0 I’m about to get me a 5’6 man. No. I’m saying that I’m willing to consider men shorter than me who don’t make me feel shitty for being taller. Listen… I’m a work in progress, ok? You don’t know my life!!!

But seriously. Reconsider them. By taking even 2 inches off of you height requirements, you’re opening your dating pool by a great deal. Remember only 15% of men are over 6’0 anyway.

The pros: more men available (average height of men is 5’9), their faces are closer to your vagina

The cons: Napoleonic complexes, people staring, your children coming out as midgets

So there you have it… a few more men to consider when dating. Branch out a little bit. You never know who or what you might find in different packaging.

Who else would you add to this list?

 

XOXO,

FJ

30 thoughts on “Five Men You’re Overlooking… And Why You’re Losing”

  1. The last requirement is everything. Fire signs a must for me too which is crazy because I am a Leo.

    In any case the only requirement (actually two or three) I would add would be that he must be intelligent, well read, and concerned about global politics. I also don’t really care whether or not hes completely a degree. I know the global portion bit may sound a bit weird but I love politics and it can be very annoying conversing with someone who doesnt know wth im talking abt.

  2. I have a few comments on the height one. This is not meant to discredit what you are saying or attack you, but just to give another perspective. This is different than your views, but at least try and consider them. The only thing I ask you to do is consider a bias you may have but may not be fully aware of. We all have these biases so this is not a personal attack.

    Height discrimination is not only a sexual preference, it is a widely held prejudice. The fact that something that is objectively irrelevant for most parts of modern life leads people to deem someone as “weaker,” less intelligent, angry, and overcompensating. Saying that short men have a Napoleon Complex shares *some* similar characteristics to saying that all blacks have a persecution complex or that all fat women are insecure. When a short man achieves something great, buys something nice, or stands up for himself, he will often have to face the question of whether it is simply overcompensation. Is that fair that he has that question asked when he is doing things that are good for their own sake?

    In working life, the discrimination has been researched and empirically shown. Even after controlling for factors like experience and education, each additional inch of male height is correlated with significantly more income. Taller men are more likely to get hired, be promoted, or otherwise advance. Taller politicians are also more likely to get elected.

    In a similar fashion to how women’s weights are edited in magazines, men’s heights are edited in the media. For example, in many movies that shorter actors have their heights edited. For example, in nearly all of the movies Tom Cruise stars in, his height its edited. What that is implicitly saying is that at 5’7″, Cruise couldn’t be mentally strong or heroic enough to be the hero of Mission Impossible. You may say that a 5’7″ man may not be good enough at fighting to play that role, please refer to Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao.

    It is a patriarchal viewpoint that the man must be taller than the woman. In some respects, expecting that the modern man needs to be the “protector” is the other side of the patriarchal coin in which the woman must be the passive nurturer and home-maker. It’s often said that a tall man makes the woman who chooses him feel “more feminine.” If a man said a woman who conforms to patriarchal stereotypes We do not live in a hunter-gather society anymore. We have guns and we have law enforcement. An intelligent short man is fully capable of providing for and protecting his family.

    There is not only implicit prejudice, but sometimes overt hatred. It is not socially unacceptable for a woman to tell a man he is too short for her in a public setting, in the same way it would (rightfully) not be socially acceptable for a man to tell a fat woman to kick rocks. An account on twitter retweets hateful tweets about short men, he tried to find similar tweets about tall and fat women, but could not. Below I’ve pasted some examples. Ask yourself, would it be socially acceptable to tweet this about other groups?

    https://twitter.com/expsnghghtsm

    “Omg the pediatrician said my son is short for his age.I despise short men, I’m going to throw myself off a cliff. Wtf!”

    “It’s a club in Adams Morgan that don’t let short guys in…I was crying laughing as witnessed every short guy get turned away.” “dead serious…I sat there & watched all short guys get this answer “I was told by management not let you in”.”

    “There is absolutely no use for short men on this planet… Gtfo”

    “Short men are like cancer”

    “Short guys don’t deserve girlfriends. They might as well take it in the ass.”

    “I just do not trust short guys I never have and I never will”

    “Short men can’t speak me to me directly for 2014… They gotta relay their message through a tall guy.”

    “Goodnight all. Except for short men. Go back to your damn cradle and sob alone.”

    “God just shouldn’t have made men shorter than 6 feet”

    “If your a guy under 5’10 you have no opinion. Grow then you can speak.”

    “Short guys are girls with dicks.”

    “Short guys are more likely to have a 6 PAC… The little elfs are trying to prove they’re manly. Awww”

    “Us Ghanaian people as a nation must join hands and break this curse of breeding short men”

    “Short men shouldn’t reproduce”

    “I’ve made it clear to my daughter that she is NOT allowed to date nor even flirt short men.I aint having midgets for grand children.No no”

    “Guys under 5’10” are only supposed to speak when spoken to.”

    “short guys are a waste of sperm lol”

    “Guys under 5’6 are abominations.”

    “Short men deserve all the bad things”

    “short guys have a reserved place in hell”

    “Short men are Satan’s children.”

    “Short men were meant to be aborted”

    “Short men tho! Who gave y’all the right to have opinions? God himself took away that right the day he made u short!!”

    “Men under 5’11 are the work of the devil. I refuse to believe that god would do that to his own people. He just forgot to give y’all ovaries”

  3. In my experience overweight men are THEE best in bed. They aren't so much performing as they are attending to the task at hand. Men who think of themselves as beautiful want to be admired. I want a man who admires ME. I don't need arm candy. But I'm in my 50's. I already let of of the over 6', the income thing, the externals almost completely. I'm with a man who adores me, supports me and is kind and loving and smart and hilarious. And he's SKILLD. I'm done looking now. I've got it all.

Comments are closed.