Have you seen the Sprint commercial with the two neighbors texting/emailing each other? One guy sends the other an email saying his lights are “ho ho-rrendous”. That was hilarious! I crack up every time I see it and it inspired this blog title. I’m still laughing… ahhhh *sigh*.
So I want to talk about sexual double standards and maybe spark some dialog about why such standards exist between men and women. I touched on it here and here but wanted to talk specifically about the various perceptions men and women have about what sexual acts make a woman a “ho” or at least a woman a man wouldn’t move beyond “jump off” status?
Is it a specific act? Like drinking cum with a straw?
It is how she behaves after the fact?
Is it what she says or how she talks about it?
Men: Does it matter if its something you enjoy too? Like, you love anal, but think anal whores are nasty?
If so, why is it cool for you, a man to enjoy it, but not her?
Is there a time frame that should be adhered to before women can show “that side”?
Is there some standard of decorum by which women are measured? For example: If a woman likes facials, how long does she wait before admitting it or asking for a man to do it?
Are there some acts that should be reserved for someone “special”?
Or for when you’re in a committed relationship?
What makes those acts “special” or different from others that they shouldn’t be done in the first session?
These are the important questions people…
If it isn’t obvious, I have a rather biased opinion about this and you should know this if you follow this blog. I decided to ask a few online communities for feedback to find out people’s perceptions about this.
The most common thing women said they want to try but are afraid to do or afraid to ask about because they don’t want to seem like a “ho” is: a MFM threesome (<—x-rated link).This was followed closely by “Swinging“.
I am not in ANY way surprised by this. Why? Double standards. Now, before you get all huffy puffy, I absolutely recognize that not every man has an interest in having even a FMF, or MFF threesome (when you initial threesomes, the sex u put in the middle denotes the one being engaging with the two others. So FMF is different from MFF because the later suggests at least one woman is bisexual. The more you know). This is directed at the men who DO enjoy threesomes with 2 women, but are against threesomes with 2 men:
All across the blogosphere, women are cheering me on right now. Men, pay close attention!
Let me tell you something… you have NO right whatsofuckingever to come out of your mouths requesting a FMF/MFF threesome from your lady if you are NOT willing to entertain the idea of her having one with two men. NONE!! The ONLY way this works is if your lady says she is not interested in the latter. Yeah, I said it. Go on ahead and be mad. Think of every possible excuse you can, and when you are done, check yourself!! This is some bullshit!
First, the homophobia in this double-standard sickens me. Men will say it’s gay for another man to be in the bed, but its not gay for another woman to be in the bed?. Word? Because shit is only gay when two dudes are involved, right? Two dudes who aren’t even touching each other, right? But it’s not gay when two women are in the same room? Or it IS, but that’s ok because it’s two women and it’s for your pleasure, right? Oh. Ok. Well:
Second, I’m bothered that women feel they can’t admit this to men. Talk to me men, for real. What would you say or how would you respond if a woman said she wanted a MFM threesome? Is that against the rules for you? Is that… “ho shit”? When you answer, please note if you’re into threesomes with 2 women too. Women, why yall so damn scary? Maybe if we spoke up more, things would change! If a man won’t marry you because you love your face painted with cum, FUCK HIM!! Like, literally, fuck him, then leave and be all like “FUCK YOU!!”
But this is not just about threesomes. Please, there are more things going on (or not going on) between TWO people that get the same response from me. A number of you men cheer on my blog like, “Yeah! Yeah tell those women what they need to be doing!!” but then you impose limits on what she can do in order for you to take her seriously? Word? That’s how we do it in these here streets?
Here is some feedback I’ve received when I put these questions out:
“oh, well if a woman tells me within the first 30 days she likes facials I’m suspect as hell…”
“I want to be called a bitch or slut in bed, but men only use that on women they don’t respect…”
“I enjoy being with more than one man at a time. And I enjoy being with women. Men are intrigued by both but tend to assume you’re a ho.”
“And then men I date always sound down but don’t like seeing me ‘like that’ though. Other guys see me as ‘Innocent’ that’s why so many men I’ve been with “cheat”. They think they’ll marry me.”
“I’m really into porn…”
“I rarely admit to my bi and group activities”
“When men ask me about what I like, I almost never tell them about my swinging days.”
“I haven’t met a woman yet that could be TOO sexual for me. BUUUUUT. If I’m looking for a serious woman, I don’t want to know how freaky she is up front. Oh I want it all, but not at the beginning of the relationship. I want gradual hints that she’s not scared to try new things and to be outlandish, but I don’t want her knobslobbing me in the movies in the “getting to know u” phase. That’s always cool for a jump off, or for a wifey, but not for something in between. So if she’s knob slobbing in the movies, we’re either married/on the way there OR she’s the jump off and nothing more.”
“I’m big into fantasy and role play but my exes weren’t”
“I do know that in each case with my three relationships, once I opened up about this, it became sorta “eh”. I guess guys want that “good girl” and not so much of the “freak” because it makes them uncomfortable.”
“Threesomes. More specifically trains. I don’t do two women- I’m selfish- focus on me thank you very much.”
“I believe more relationships and marriages would be better if people would express how they really feel. I love when women are open sexually. It makes things easier and also a gateway to some great sex. You get straight to the issue. If she likes to swallow but is afraid to tell him, he might want the same thing, hence communication is key. When people realize that women are just as sexual as men and in most cases the are more sexual, maybe some barriers can be broken.”
“It would have to be a foursome, MMMF. I got three holes.”
“I don’t ‘own up’ to all my previous sexual ‘acts’ until I know a person. People are too damned judgmental!”
“I will say that some men dont deserve the “ho” treatment because they wont respect it.”
“Have sex with several different men back to back to back in one night.”
“That’s why some women cheat. You need to get the freak out and the man in your life won’t.”
“When a woman wants to do something freaky, she’s labeled. However, a man is just praised for the same thing.”
“Just dont put your ho stuff in the streets. Thats where some go wrong…”
Those are just some of the responses I received to this topic. It seemed to me, reading responses, that men focused more on women being “quiet” about what they do and/or waiting a certain period of time before showing that side. They don’t want to hear, up front/in the beginning, that you are a freak. But… BUT.. they most certainly DO want you to be one! It also seemed to me that women are very interested in having sex with multiple partners at once, preferably men, but feel that makes them look like “hos”
Women, stop letting some men and their outlandish double standards limit you from finding and exploring your FREAK! Do you! Get yours! If a man can’t vibe with you on the things you like sexually, find someone who does. Don’t limit yourself if its true to who you are. I think the conservative should stick with conservative and freaks with freaks. This would save a lot of drama. We need name tags.
This exhausted me. *smh*