I’m teaming up with some folks to bring you some ideas about kinking up your sex life a bit. This is, after all, a blog about sex and relationships, sexuality, sexual freedom, liberation, and definitely exploration!! Hope you find this useful
In many relationships, there comes a time when the sex becomes boring as hell. Face it, a lot of outside factors come into play (work stress, kids, family obligations, etc). Maybe it’s a temporary rut or maybe it’s a long one with no end in sight? Do you find yourself looking for your libido in the daytime with a flashlight? Listen….it is stressful, man.
Either way, this is a totally natural phase, but it’s one you definitely want to get past. If you haven’t been able to push yourself out of it, it might be time to experiment and change things up. Breaking out of a mold can be a little daunting though. What do you do? How do you know what you and your partner will like? I often talk about having conversations with your partners, open and candid discussions about likes and dislikes. That’s so important!
If you feel like you’ve both become complacent, you can do one of two things: You can surprise your partner with some sexperimentation or you can sit your partner down and talk to your partner first. If you feel like your problems run deeper than just bedroom boredom you definitely want to talk to your partner first. I think the #1 problem in folks’ sex lives stem from deeper issues in their relationships rather than simply running out of physical ideas.
If you’ve determined that the issue is more about spicing things up and trying new things, here are some ideas!
One way to change things up in your bedroom is by changing positions. Sure, missionary is fun and gets the job done and woman on top is nice for you, but there are so many other possibilities. There are so many books written on achieving orgasms and heightened sexual pleasure just by changing positions, so don’t limit yourself to one or two positions. Go nuts! Not sure of what else to try? Don’t worry, Cosmo so conveniently broke them all down and illustrated them for you. My favorites: Laying flat on my stomach and taking it while a man sits on my butt or having my feet pushed back and hitting the headboard or standing, bent over grabbing my ankles. Try it!
If positions aren’t your problem, look into including sex toys into your routine. See, now many men don’t like using sex toys. Some are intimidated by them and some feel like if a woman needs a sex toy, then he isn’t good enough for her. NOT TRUE!!! You should probably start small if you and your partner are new to the world of sex toys. Try getting a cock ring (listen, they work when it comes to stamina!!!) or a small clitoral or g-spot vibrator (don’t fear the vibrator!! embrace the vibrator!!!). You and your partner will experience a totally different kind of pleasure and you may learn something new about him/her or yourself. If you’ve already got the basics, why not try a sex swing (where you can work on your positions!), anal beads or a bondage kit from Adam and Eve? One thing I love about Adam and Eve is that they offer a wide variety of toys for every budget and every level of play experience. They’ve got great toys that you can use even when you’re experimenting with BDSM and kink too!! Blindfolds, scarves, soft handcuffs…. mmmm yes!!!
If you’ve been looking for a little inspiration, you can try watching porn in the bedroom, either before or during . I’ve already talked to you guys about how porn isn’t the enemy. I know a lot of women are bothered by their men watching porn, but it is just fantasy. Just because he likes what he sees in the flick, it doesn’t mean he likes you any less. Use it to get you in the mood or to introduce a new idea into your bedroom. You can even copy what they are doing in the scenes! Find a theme or story that you can both get into. This is where discussion becomes valuable. Talk to your partner about his/her interest in porn genres. You might have some in common!
Finally, another great way to end the boredom and routine in the bedroom is role playing!! Listen, I love a good role play scene. It is soooo sexy. You can put on a wig, dress up in a costume or lingerie and see how it transforms your confidence and bedroom persona. You can be anyone you want to be. A stripper? A hooker? A traveling business woman? You’ll feel sexy and your partner will appreciate your effort. You’ll both feel like your sleeping with someone new, which can make things feel novel again. Keeping it fresh is the KEY to keeping the bedroom spicy. Just be sure to find something that you feel comfortable in, but something that is also empowering. You’ll be surprised by the difference it makes.
I hope these things help you out a bit.
Have other ideas for how you keep your bedroom fresh? Leave them in the comment section and share with the rest of us!!