June 2012 is Guest Blogger Month here at FeministaJones.Com. I solicited a few bloggers, writers, poets, etc to contribute posts lending their perspectives and experiences on feminism, sexuality, relationships, liberation, sex, and everything this blog is about. I hope you enjoy their contributions as much as I have.
President Obama decided to take a stand for something and unfortunately, his opinion isn’t favored by the masses. Well, I agree with President Obama in his decision to support gay marriage. Mainly because it hits close to home, but also because of the vision I have for the world. I moved in with my mother and her “friend” after my grandmother died when I was 12. I was in a brief custody battle between my mom and aunt and had a few lawyer visits to voice my opinion on who I should reside with.
I was ecstatic at the thought of finally being able to have a traditional mother-daughter relationship with my mom. After one particular lawyer meeting, my mom and her “friend” got in a heated argument. Her friend shouted, “You are supposed to be my lover!” Wow. The world stopped. “Wait, so yall are like together?” I thought to myself. I was in disbelief for a minute, thinking did she really just say that. It was one of those moments when life seems surreal and you need to be pinched to affirm that this is real. As I thought more about it, everything started making sense. We lived in a one bedroom apartment, they shared a bed, and whenever my mom came around she was always with a chick and she always introduced them as her “friend.”
No one ever sat me down and had a conversation with me about what homosexuality was or what it meant. At that point in time, homosexuality was an unknown world to me. All I knew was what I saw on TV, in the household, or things I overheard from my peers. I honestly didn’t see much of a difference between my mother’s household and my grandparent’s household other than the obvious, which was the physical composition of the people involved. In reality it was still a two parent home. We did everything that other families did. We ate together, watched TV together, attended church together, and we had issues that we resolved like every other family. I never had a problem with my mother being a lesbian. It was just one of those things that is what it is. I wish it was communicated to me a little better to somewhat help me in understanding the situation. But then again because I wasn’t fed ideas of what homosexuality meant, I was able to form my own beliefs without having to first undo and let go of beliefs that were forced upon me. For that I’m grateful because for me it’s easier to create my own thoughts rather than unlearning and reconditioning myself. I never saw or heard anything inappropriate or any sexual references and my mom made it clear that I was to be involved with men.
My only issues were what my peers would think. I never invited people over my house. There were times when I thought that people would think I was a lesbian also, like it was some genetically inherited trait so I didn’t share my mother’s sexual preference with anyone. I would tell people that my mother’s lover was an aunt who was just temporarily staying with us. There was one time when we told a landlord that my mother’s lover was my grandmother. The lies to outsiders led to some confusion about the situation but I was more preoccupied with the death of my grandmother. I was trying to figure out how to deal with that and the pressures of adolescence so her sexuality wasn’t ever a big deal to me. It was just something that I accepted. Denial was pointless because it’s something I had no control over.
In retrospect, being forced to accept someone so close to me with such an unconventional lifestyle has shaped me into a more open minded and understanding individual. I am very comfortable discussing sex and sexuality and many other things that most people would consider taboo. I have always been a very sexual person but was lost as to how I should express it because communication about sex was lacking when I was younger. It took some time but I am now confident in my own sexuality and that is something I value in a partner. I know what my needs are as far as sex and how to communicate them to my partner. I know that sex for me is an energy exchange and an intimate experience meant to strengthen the bond between my partner and I. If more discussions happened and more awareness was spread, there would be less of the idea that there’s only one way of doing things and those who deviate from that way are separate. Children need to be made aware that homosexuality exists but also need to be taught to do what feels right for them. People need to grasp the reality that though we are all different on the surface, we are all the same in essence. I don’t consider myself a feminist but I do stand for equal rights of all. I understand that my mother and all people are attracted to certain things and it’s ok if those things differ from what I like. Now that I’m older I can talk to my mom about anything. She, I, and everyone on this planet all desire companionship and a partner to share life with. We all have the same destination in mind, although we embark on different journeys to get there. Loving my mother as she is has exemplified how I should love everyone.
If I ruled the world, my first law would be, for everybody to do whatever the hell makes them happy. If that means being romantically involved with someone of the same sex, so be it! If you know in your heart that that’s what being true to yourself is, I’m all for it. Differing beliefs and opinions are not always wrong or right, just different perceptions of the same picture, just like the ink blots pictures used by psychologists. My mother and her relationships are not hindering me from pursuing happiness in my life, so why should I oppose something that could be mile marker on her pursuit. If you don’t agree with same sex marriage, don’t marry someone of the same sex. Problem solved. Our resistance to accepting or understanding views that are different from our own stem from our ego’s need to feel superior to others by any means necessary. Ego causes us to take the “Anybody who disagrees with me or does things differently is stupid” attitude. When we let go of our ego and seek to find and build upon the common ground that we do share, mountains will be moved. At the end of the day, my mom popped excellence out of her vajayjay when she had me and her blood runs through my veins. I love her to death for giving me life! Who am I to say she’s living life wrong?
Desiree Mullins is currently located in St. Louis, MO. She has just created her own blogsite,lovelivedesi.com and she writes a weekly inspirational post for xlurbanmedia.com . Desiree is focused on encouraging others to know self and face their fears so that they can live their best life. Follow her on twitter @ImDesi.